dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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