he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
