pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
