He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
