i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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