This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
