There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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