What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
