Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I could fuck to npr.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
