even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize