Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
