just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I color on your dick again?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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