the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We are all done wearing pants today
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
