her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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