You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
