i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
