it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
