My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
