well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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