There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
