Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize