i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
