If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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