We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
