I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
