Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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