I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
