this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize