she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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