I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
