Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i already hear my dad disowning me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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