I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
