My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
