i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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