I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
