Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
