Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
