ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
