how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize