Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
