Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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