My liver just broke up with me...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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