Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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