These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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