you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
