They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
