What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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