You can't special order awesome
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
