Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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