I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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