He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
