My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
im on a boat
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