Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
