Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
