OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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