fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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