u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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