Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
