covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
