I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
