ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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