i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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