i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
