So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
