I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
