So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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