So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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