She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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