There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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