Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize