i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
