I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
