I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
