Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
