The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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