when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
