thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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