Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
