Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
